Tuesday, January 7, 2014

A glimpse under the veil

I practically fell out of my bed.

A few days ago, I woke up in the middle of the night and this first stanza was in my head complete, accompanied by a rare intense feeling of dear Alex’s presence – it hurt but it felt so good. It seemed like a glimpse under the veil. I stopped and tapped it into my phone because it was so overwhelming to me and I did not want to lose the words:

Go and speak no more
Yet I will surely listen
All the day long
And all through the night

Those words are not any I had ever spoken or thought prior to the dream. So I had to try to figure out their meaning. I understand them as words I address to Alex, and they describe what I expect most parents experience when they lose a child. Often awake at night. Always on our mind, hoping in vain to have just one more chance to talk, but realizing the communication must be very different now.  

Right away I decided to write some additional stanzas, feeling so strongly inspired. I wiped my eyes and blew my nose, emailed it all to myself, told my wife, and went back to bed. I actually forgot about it until today I found it in my inbox and decided to share it here:

Yearning as I do 
Pining for a glimpse
I know that it’s true
Far too many hints

So I carry on
Through this shadowed truth
Cloudy but so clear 
Yes You are, forsooth

Oh please lift the veil
Lift it all away
I know that you will
This is why I pray

Those three stanzas are addressed to God, affirming to Him (and I suppose more so to myself) that even though I don't understand it all, I have hope, I trust in His way, I have faith in His promises, and I long for what He offers. May it always be so for me and for you.